I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

Archive for January, 2013

17 months, 2 days

I’m not sure exactly when you declare a baby officially weaned, but it’s been three days with no nursing. I keep expecting him to ask for it, but so far he just opens his mouth for his paci and snuggles in and closes his eyes. We snuggle for a few minutes and then I put him down and he’s been fine.

He did wake up last night at 11:30 or so, but I went into his room without turning on the lamp and I snuggled him in the glider and put him back down and then calmed him down again by sitting next to his crib. He quieted down but I woke him up when I tried to leave (if he was asleep at all, I’m not sure if he was or not – it’s hard to tell in the dark when I can’t see his eyes and his breathing is sometimes an unreliable way to tell, unless he’s snoring) and I was hoping he would fall back asleep but instead he got so upset he couldn’t stop on his own so I had to go back in. This time he fell asleep on me in the glider and didn’t wake up when I put him down. All told, it took an hour and a half or so to get him back down, but it beat him being up for hours and all of us getting broken sleep and he and I ending up in the guest room together because he refuses anything else.

It’s so frustrating when he wakes up and to not really know what’s wrong. Before it was a growth spurt and that was okay because he was eating huge amounts nonstop all day and then eating a lot when he’d wake up. Annoying, but at least we knew what the issue was. Now, he cries and points down the stairs, but he’s not hungry when I bring him down and he keeps crying until finally he…. I have no idea, wakes up enough maybe?… and then he’d stop and play for a while until he got tired enough to fall asleep. I’m hoping that if I don’t get him up and stay in his room we might both cut down on the amount of time he’s awake and hopefully the number of times he wakes up. Since I’m not sure if he’s having nightmares or if he’s waking up and deciding he wants attention or what (I’m suspecting the former, but I’m not sure) it’s hard to know what exactly the best move is.

The other morning in the tub, FrostedBaby was playing with his rubber ducky and he hugged it and rocked and it told me “baby”. A few minutes later, I asked him “what do you do with a baby?” and he picked up another bath toy and did the same thing. I got video of him last night where I asked him that and he picked up his blue teddy bear, hugged it, and went “eeh” and dropped it on its head on the floor. Hilarious. “What do you do with a baby?” rockrockrock thump. Definitely ready to be a big brother 😉



16 months, 27 days to 17 months

Today is one of those days where I wonder what I was thinking in having kids. Okay, not really…. but this is definitely not the type of day anyone decides to have children in order to experience.

FrostedBaby has been having what I think is a growth spurt (whether just physical or also developmental, I’m not sure). He’s been waking up screaming in hunger so I get him up and give him a snack and by the time he’s done that, he’s awake and wants to play. Whether this would be the case if I could nurse him enough or if he’d take enough milk from a bottle/cup, I don’t know. So depending on how much time he’s been asleep for, he could be up playing for an hour to 5+ hours. And then he won’t go back down in his crib, he needs to sleep with me.

This, combined with me being sick again (or maybe partly the cause of me getting sick again) has been wonderful. Oh, and husband being away. And while I got two good no-waking nights out of him so I was starting to feel better because I slept too (fitfully since I still feel awful, but at least I was resting and not up and being frustrated), last night was the worst night of all. He went down at 6:30 and woke up just past midnight, then was up til 3 when I finally convinced him to sleep, and woke up at 6:30. I went to bed at 8ish, finally fell asleep at just past 11 (no idea what my problem was, guess I just wasn’t as sleep deprived as before) and while I slept between whenever he fell asleep and 6:30, it was very fitful and interrupted by coughing, choking on my snot, and snoring, which I’ve been doing because my throat is so swollen.

(and leads me to ask – my husband snores normally in the 80-something decibel range, waaaay louder than I am currently snoring, and I keep waking myself up – how does he not wake up from his snoring?!)

So yeah, today feeling really awful and way worse than yesterday, when I had been feeling much improved, especially in the energy factor. Today, painkillers are not taking it all away and I have no idea if that’s the actual cold (or whatever it is – I actually have very few respiratory symptoms) or exhaustion.

And once again I didn’t get to finish that post. I believe there was lunch and then naps for both of us. And then I started feeling a lot better, even though I only napped for two hours. I let him sleep a bit longer and had a hot chocolate in peace and it was a really nice part of a crappy day. And the rest of it was good too – he went down to bed at a bit later but still reasonable time and slept the whole night.

I continued feeling better the next day (yesterday) and the timing between needing my painkillers (at first I was alternating a.cetami.nophen and ibupro.fen every four hours, then I was okay with just one since I wasn’t in danger of overdosing if I was taking it when I needed it, and now I take one ibu.profe.n when needed, which has been not at all yet today and it’s noon).

And it’s another few days later and he’s exactly 17 months old today.

Momentous moment today at bedtime – he went to bed without nursing. I had been working my way up to not offering it to him but I’ve been chickening out because I didn’t want to rock the boat at bedtime yet, but after realizing/deciding that the discomfort I’m experiencing is probably due to a bad latch (because he’s treating my nipple like his sippy cup straw), I’ve decided over the past couple of days that I am really truly done. And our sessions have become shorter and shorter over the past bit, first really short on the second side because it’s the more sensitive one, and then not at all on that side and then last night I cut it off after like 10 seconds and he didn’t seem to care so I decided that tonight I wouldn’t even offer it. He took his pacifier with no trouble and immediately started falling asleep. I tried putting him down after a few minutes but he protested a bit (not about the boob) and I snuggled him a few minutes longer and then he went down fine.

I feel….. I’m not sure. I’m happy to not have the discomfort. I’m a bit sad that he’s old enough, but at the same time I feel that we’re both ready and I am happy with that since I didn’t want to force it on him. I suspect that there will be a few nights where he’ll ask for it since he did that with the morning feed as well before he fully gave it up. I think overall I don’t feel a whole lot because it just feels like the next logical step. It’s been tapered off so much I’m not worried about engorgement, or at least not imminently. And if he goes to every few days for a bit then it’ll be even less likely.

We’ve been discovering the Early Years Centres the past couple of weeks. With him not napping, we have a lot of time to fill and waiting around for friends to make plans with right now means we were doing too much sitting around at home. They have different programs, some you have to register for, but others are drop-in and we’ve been going to those. Different locations on different days and he gets to play with different toys and socialize with other kids (I’ve been so impressed with how well he’s doing with the other kids!) and I get to talk to some other moms and it just makes for a way better day. One of them does a drop-in group on Wednesdays and they even have arts and crafts set up that he can do, which is cool since we don’t do them at home. I’ve thought about it but it seems like a lot of set-up and clean up for unknown return. He’s done a painting and he was interested in it for a few minutes and then was ready to move on. We’re starting a music program tomorrow that goes on Tuesday afternoons, so we’ll see how that goes as well.

I’m going to post this before it’s another few days before I do. I guess I should mention that I’ve made a full recovery from my illness thankfully. I’m still on antibiotics for a few days, but I’m feeling really good. Hopefully that will last for a while. I’m sick of being sick!