I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

15 months, 5 days

It’s been a while. I’ll have to look back on my last post to figure out what to update about.

After that nursing strike, he’s been nursing fine since, although I’ve gone back and forth between finding it comfortable and finding it really irritating and wishing I could stop. Right now is the latter and I only let him nurse a bit on one side for the nap I just put him down for because I was seriously going to scream or smack him or something if he continued. I don’t know why, but at certain times it’s really such an annoying feeling (not so much painful as just the kind of feeling that really gets to you) and I don’t really know why. I think it might have something to do with my cycles, but they’re kind of irregular and I don’t think I’m ovulating so it’s hard to tell what’s happening. If it were right after O or before or whatever, I could see that, but before it seemed to be in the days before my period, last time it was a couple weeks before and then went away for a bit before I got it, and this time seems to be similar.

His sleeping has been hit and miss. He went from that not wanting to sleep alone and being up a lot to overnight being fine with being on his own and going to sleep with no problem. I have no clue what the difference was, but one night he was pulling the don’t want to sleep alone thing but wasn’t settling down in bed either, didn’t want to play, didn’t want to be held, nothing, so I got fed up and put him in his bed just wanting to get a couple of minutes by myself. And he fell asleep after screaming for about two minutes. The next night was similar, and since then he’s been fine.

And! Last night he wouldn’t go to bed when we first tried, which was okay since we’d had a strange day where we all slept in and he napped late and he was playing okay. He seemed tired but maybe not sleepy enough, so we were just waiting him out. Then he kept purposely going over to the TV and touching it even though he knows he’s not supposed to (he kept looking at us to make sure we were watching as he went over and then as he was touching it) and after doing that repeatedly and being moved away and going back, I picked him up, took him upstairs, put him in bed and gave him his bear and walked out. I figured I’d let him scream then I’d go back in in a minute and hopefully he’d get the idea that if he was purposely misbehaving then he couldn’t be down here. Well, he screamed a bit, then quieted down, then cried a bit more (not screaming though), and then fell asleep.

May not seem that big, but it’s actually huge. If he can go to sleep without being walked, snuggled, or nursed, that means that if he is not hungry and is tired enough, that Husband should be able to put him down on his own without me. It also means he hopefully won’t need to be nursed every time he goes down. I don’t mind it at the first bedtime, I really enjoy that (well, a bit less when my nipples are sore but I do enjoy the end-of-day snuggle time), but I hate having to come home if I’m out because he needs to be put back to bed and if he’s up late for some reason and I’ve gone to bed, I always had to get up when he was ready to do down (luckily doesn’t happen very often, but did for a few nights when he was going through the wakeful phase). He just fell asleep (I think – he’s been quiet for the past few minutes, so either he’s asleep or is on his way) so that’s another good step in that direction. Now just to get Husband to feel confident that he can do it.

My pottery class is going well. There are two left, and at the last one I glazed the bowl I made on the first class and also two of the cat spoon rests that I made during the class before. I have one more to glaze and then I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Maybe try the wheel out a bit more, since it won’t matter quite so much if I wreck it and end up with nothing to take home. I’m excited to see how they turn out once the glaze is fired. It’s hard to picture because the bowl is going to be blue, but the glaze is a grey colour and the cats are black and an orangey colour (they’re supposed to be tortoiseshells) but the black is red and the orange is greyish. I just hope I didn’t wreck them. I’ll be sad that the class is over and I’m going to miss having the night out. It’s made a difference in my stress levels as far as getting some Me time and it’s been nice doing something different. I just wish it didn’t run so late because I’m not home until 10 and then I find I have trouble unwinding after and end up staying up late because of that. I’ll have to figure something else out… maybe I can even do it earlier in the evening if I don’t have to be around to put FrostedBaby down to sleep.

I’m annoyed with my insurance company right now. Well, my former insurance company since I’m no longer covered. It started a few months ago when I tried to make a claim while I was still on mat leave. I mailed in the stuff, they declined it and said I wasn’t insured with them. I contacted work to ask what was going on, could they check with them to find out what happened and the very unhelpful HR person told me to file my claim online because it’s easier. Okay, thanks so much for checking to make sure that I am in fact still on their records as I should be. I tried asking her to check on that and she didn’t respond. So glad she wasn’t there when I was still working there. Anyway, so I did file it online and that was fine. Last week I tried to file the last few claims I have and the stupid thing gives me an “unknown error”. I tried a couple of times and even waited til the next day to try it and it did the same thing. So I wrote to them to ask what was happening, they replied that the error was because I didn’t attach my receipt. The reason I didn’t is because there was no place to do so. I told them that and attached it to the email. I got a note today that they were being declined because I didn’t claim them before Nov 19th. First off, I was told I had six months past my termination date to claim anything. Second, the first claim I attempted was the day before I sent the email, which was dated Nov 20th… which makes it Nov 19th that I submitted the first claim (that’s just luck, but should still count). Maybe they need the receipts, but I would have done that if their stupid online system worked properly and had a place to submit them. So now I’m waiting to hear back from them yet again. Stupid.

Let’s see… what else is going on with us?

FrostedBaby is communicating a lot now. He indicates what he wants by pointing and making different sounds depending on what he wants to do. He’ll respond to me asking if he’s hungry or thirsty, he tells me what particular food he wants if there are options (he’s really particular if there are different options during a meal, like if he’s having a couple of different things at the same time, he wants different items at different times and will tell me), he’s started gesturing at things and making inquisitive sounds and I’m telling him the names of things since I assume that’s what he’s asking. He started saying “mama and baby” a few weeks ago before bed and now I’ll say, “mama and…?” and he’ll respond, “baby!” He talks a lot, though it’s a lot of “baba” with varying inflections and different sounds. Sometimes I think he’s really trying to say things and other times I think he’s just talking. I swear today he said, “I drink” when asked him if he was going to drink his water (he’d asked for it but then was just playing with it).

He’s loving using his fork and spoon and is getting better at them. Today he even speared his food himself, usually he needs a bit of help to be accurate enough. He’s now using his spoon properly and dipping it in the food rather than just touching it to the top. I’m not sure I’d trust him with liquidy stuff yet since he tends to fling it around in excitement and sometimes gets really silly, but he’s getting good at it.

He’s started climbing a few steps, which is a big thing for a baby as cautious as he is. I’m kind of amazed he hasn’t started climbing more, but he’s just done it a few times and just one step. I’m betting on the cat being on the landing and him deciding that he wants to go after him that will inspire him. Because he’s cautious, I have a feeling that he’s just going to start one day when he feels confident and then he’ll be unstoppable.

He’s starting to stand up more often and was even taking steps the other day. I’ve tried encouraging him to step when I’m holding him up but usually he whines and just wants me to hug him. That’s another thing that I feel like once he gets it into his head that he wants to walk, he’s just going to take off one day.

I am both loving this age and finding it challenging. It’s fun because he’s so communicative and interactive and he’s crawling all over the place and it’s so neat to see him invent games and testing things out and obviously soaking in so much. It’s challenging because he knows what he wants and gets upset when he doesn’t get it, which depending on what kind of mood he’s in can pass quickly or it can lead to whole days (it seems) of whining and crying. I’m guessing that part will only get worse, but in general he gets over it pretty easily once he realizes I’m not going to give in just because he’s whining. We get frustrated because sometimes he’s trying to communicate something and I don’t understand, or I’m trying to tell him something and he doesn’t get it. On the other hand, while I think fondly of him when he was younger, I don’t really have any real desire for him to go back to that because he’s so interesting now. If I went back to when he was younger and was maybe less opinionated, I’d also have to give up his doing funny things to make me laugh or putting anything and everything down the ramp of his Fis.her Pr.i.ce garage (this list includes the cars and people that came with it, his roller zebra, his legos, his shape sorter shapes, his stacking rings, and his socks) or his shouting random crazy things during meals just because he feels like being silly.

I’m sure there’s lots more to update about, but I should be getting him up from his nap soon. He did wake up about half an hour ago but then went back to sleep. I don’t like him to sleep past 3 because then he’s up too late. Actually, usually I like him up by 2:30 but he took a while to get to sleep in the first place.



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