I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

11 months, 5 days

Last night was a terrible night of sleep. He went down easily and slept great until I was going to bed when he woke up and I went in and snuggled him and he went back to sleep, so I put him down and got back into bed. He started crying not too long later, so I went in and fed him and he was actually hungry (sometimes he’s hungry but not hungry enough to cause a fuss about it, so he’ll go back to sleep but wake up again after not too long), then he went back down but was crying again after a few minutes. I snuggled him back to sleep again and he stayed down until 2:30 when he woke up again. I fed him but he didn’t go back to sleep, which isn’t unusual, but I put him down and left, then he cried again an hour after that (it was about 4am now) and although he was sleepy and his eyes were rolling back in his head, he couldn’t seem to go to sleep. I put him down and let him crawl around a bit. Then he started crying and when I picked him up, I could smell that he had pooped. That would be the first time he’s pooped in the middle of the night, ever. Changed him and sat back down in the glider and he was asleep in a few minutes. I finally got to bed about 5 but couldn’t sleep for a little while and then got woken up about 7:30.

And the worst part was that I couldn’t get back to sleep easily because he was up long enough that my body reset itself, and just as I was falling asleep he’d wake up again, or the cat would meow outside my door, or my Restless Leg Syndrome was acting up, and we had a really loud thunderstorm. I think I got maybe a few hours altogether the whole night and not all in one chunk. I was pretty irritable this morning, and then when it was finally nap time, I couldn’t get my brain to shut off so I could sleep. Bleh. I hate that.

The afternoon was salvaged when we made it to the breastfeeding support group on time and there were only a few others there and we got to chat a bit and then a new mom came and it was helpful to her and that always feels good. And then one of the people looked me up on FB and they have a whole group of moms that I might try to join up with sometime, which would be nice. My moms group has been slowly dissolving as many of them go back to work and I haven’t fully connected with many in a way that makes it easy to make plans, not to mention that it’s just hard for me to make plans with his nap and meal schedule. I’m hoping that maybe another group I’ll connect well with and maybe feel more able to have playdates and stuff that’s easier for us to make it to.

FrostedBaby was being very cute and mobile at the group and he even went all the way across the room from me. Usually he sticks pretty close to me, but he’s been getting more and more adventurous at home and I guess he felt comfortable enough there to do the same thing. He often talks to the other people and likes to watch them too, which is nice to see him being outgoing since he is so often hanging back and evaluating the situation instead. Maybe it’s because we’ve been there so often so he’s used to it, or maybe it’s just a good environment for him. He hasn’t been mobile when it’s been crowded there, so it’ll be interesting to see if he’s more reserved if there are lots of people.

I took him to a park yesterday that has a lot of straight walkways where he could crawl on them. I didn’t want him to be in the sand yet because he’ll eat it, but he has only so much tolerance for activities that don’t let him crawl around so it was good. He was nervous at first and wanted to sit with me and observe, but after a while he stopped making his “I don’t know if I like this!” noise and started crawling around. He got really dirty, but who cares. My friend who we went with, her baby is crawling and likes to rush him and then tries to pull his hair or steal his hat or gouge his eyes out, and now when FrostedBaby sees him coming, he starts crying. This is unfortunate since we see a fair bit of them. Hopefully he’ll learn to be okay with it. We were out the other day and I was holding FrostedBaby and doing a peekaboo thing with him and the other baby, swinging him away and then towards him and told him he had a chance to take revenge and gouge the other baby’s eyes out. FrostedBaby, in true fashion, just wanted to hold his hand. Oh, my sweet little guy.

(Husband is a little miffed that FrostedBaby seems to have no reservations about trying to gouge *his* eyes out…)

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