I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

end of an era

Well, it appears that my period has finally arrived.

TMI alert! I’ve been spotting for the past two weeks so its actual arrival is a bit of a relief since hopefully that means it’ll do its thing and then go away. I really hate endless spotting since it’s neither here not there and it comes and goes and could go on for a while. I once spotted for a whole month in between periods.

Anyway, I was spotting in May as well but that was only a week or so and then I started spotting again twoish weeks ago. It’s gotten heavier and lighter seemingly randomly, but it seems to be getting steadily heavier now although nothing resembling a steady flow. I’m a bit afraid since other moms I’ve talked to have said their first period was really heavy and awful, like soaking pads in an hour type thing. But they’ve also complained about bad cramps and so far I haven’t had anything major, although I’ve had some mild cramps on and off a bit.

I’m not happy it’s back, but I’m not as negative about it as I’d expected. It was kind of like anticipating the postpatrum bleeding and then it was just something to deal with, nothing more. As I’ve said before, I’ve had such a negative relationship with bleeding over the past many years since it always meant I wasn’t pregnant (or wasn’t pregnant anymore) that I found it hard to remember what it was like before when it just was just something annoying. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel after all that, but it seems like that’s all it is now. That’s a relief.

I’ve thought so much about a second baby that I was afraid I’d go straight into TTC mode again with the hoping and praying I was pregnant and my period wouldn’t be coming and all that without any normal time in between. Maybe I’ll never feel that way again, who knows, but it certainly is nice not to feel all my hope and dreams fading away as my period arrives.

We had a great long weekend that I’ll hopefully get a chance to write about soon. Right now he’s taking a nap and I’m getting our stuff ready to go to a friend’s house this afternoon.

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