I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

5 months, 2 weeks, 3 days

FrostedBaby’s skills at sitting up are continuing to get better and better. Today he barely needed me at all, which was pretty neat. It’s really amazing how quickly they develop skills – there was a notable difference even since yesterday when we were playing. He can now sit and move his arms and play with his toys and look around without falling over most of the time. I have a feeling that crawling is going not to be too far behind, as he’s looking at things out of his reach and trying to figure out how to get to them. He gets frustrated when I put him on his tummy and he’s trying to coordinate his limbs to move, but can’t. He hasn’t been trying too much from a sitting position beyond leaning forward and reaching out so far. Really looking forward to all that figuring out (that is sarcasm), since with it comes a lot of whining and crying and frustration. I hope he’s able to figure it out quickly.

He was cranky yesterday. I think his teeth were bugging him, since he was drooling and chomping on everything and was kind of clingy during feeding times. Usually once he’s done he’s off and he’s talking to me and then wants to go play, but yesterday he wanted to hang out on the boob for a long time even without talking to me and he was cranky a lot when he wasn’t eating. I guess I should be glad that so far he hasn’t gone on a nursing strike since that’s a common thing for teething babies. I do not love the idea of having to pump to keep up my supply, especially since he won’t take a bottle. Though maybe he would if it were less painful on his teeth.

We’re setting up the playroom in the front area. When you walk into our house, there’s the front entranceway and then what’s supposed to be the living room/dining room together. The way we have it, our living room is off the kitchen (farther into the house) and the front room is mostly a dining room and a place for my bookshelves and books. Since our house is open concept, it makes figuring out baby gates difficult and we want to have a place that is totally babyproofed and gated off so that he can move around on his own without me having to be two steps behind him constantly. So we pushed the dining room table (which we only use when company is over, otherwise it’s a landing area for the car seat and other items) back to open up the rest of the room and we put down the foam mat there. We’re moving the bookshelves and books out (except if we’re going to use the shorter bookshelf as a toy shelf) and putting our extra couch in there for seating. And then we only need a couple of regular sized baby gates to block off that area. I was out there with a friend and her twins this morning and it seems like it’ll work out nicely. It’s also a really sunny part of the house, so I think it’ll be nice to be out there.

I went out the other night after FrostedBaby went to bed and I got to stay out the whole time! He woke up right before I left and then went right back to sleep when I went in and snuggled him, and he slept until 1 and at that point I had been home for a few hours. It was really nice to get out and have some fun with adults. It was nice to be as off duty as I ever get to be these days, which is only if he wakes up hungry. Considering I’m usually constantly on-duty even if Daddy has him, it’s a nice break.

Ha. I just went back and read my post from exactly a year ago today. I can remember writing and feeling most of that like it was yesterday. And now the way I felt unreal and unsure about taking care of a baby, I feel the same way about the idea of having two, if I were ever lucky enough to have a second. I keep dreaming about being pregnant again. The last one I had, I’d had IVF and my mom had decided to transfer 7 embryos (because your mom should always make important decisions like that for you) and I was pregnant with triplets. And then I was mad at my mom because you should never transfer more than one at a time. That was one of the crazier dreams I’ve had about that. Usually I’m in complete shock. The other week when I was sick, I was feeling exactly how I felt at 6 weeks when all the symptoms hit me at once, and I wasn’t really sure whether I was hoping I was or hoping I wasn’t. I think I’m not quite ready to actually do it all over again, though I’m sure we’d come around. I just know that the pregnancy will be a lot harder because of having to run after a baby during it, but I cannot imagine having a newborn and another one to watch at the same time. I can wrap my head around a slightly older baby and a toddler, but a newborn, with all the eating constantly and all, yikes. And during growth spurts? At least they wouldn’t be hitting them at the same time, like if you had twins.

Blah blah blah. I feel like I should have stuff to say but I keep getting distracted and then not coming up with anything. He’s been napping for the past hour and a half and I’m expecting him to wake up any minute. He hasn’t napped this well in days. I’m optimistic he’ll wake up happy for a change!


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