I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

Warning: A big rant about someone ahead!

There’s one person who comments on my other blog that I keep for my friends (pretty much the same content as this one right now, aside from this post) who really bugs me. We’ve always had our ups and downs, mostly from her judgemnetal attitude towards anyone else, but inability to let anything slide from anyone else. She feels free to put other people down and get mad and say all sorts of things, but if you happen to get mad at her and make one not-that-bad offhand comment, she won’t speak to you for a long time. Why do we remain friends? Honestly, I’m not really sure. We’ve been friends (online friends more than real life, though we’ve met a few times) since we were around 16, so a long time. Maybe that’s why. It’s not that I wish her badly and I do want to keep up with her… I just kind of prefer limited contact.

Anyway, so she comments on my other blog occasionally and likes to me tell me how anything I think is complete garbage, according to her. She told me that she couldn’t imagine having an unmedicated labour and delivery (which I did), that she couldn’t imagine going home only a few hours after giving birth (which I did), despite herself  having an epidural like five minutes after she went into labour and then a c-section so she really has no idea what either is actually like (and I’m not looking down on that… I just think you  lose your credibility if you’re giving advice to other people about something you’ve never experienced, especially if you’re talking like you’re an expert and the person you’re talking to has no idea), she’s the one who told me that there’s “absolutely no reason why husband can’t get up in the night to feed the baby” to give me a break despite never breastfeeding (she gave up after a day because it was too hard and she never really cared about doing it anyway, which again makes you not credible for giving me advice about that) and having no idea how pumping and keeping up your supply works. Oh, and having a husband who wouldn’t wake up if an elephant tapdanced on top of him so I’d have to be up to wake him up anyway. And really – if it were that easy, don’t you think I would have done that if I wanted to or could?

Anyway, so the most recent comment was in reaction to my saying about wanting to stay home and maybe being able to do it for the next few years with the way it’s looking, and that would maybe give me time to find something to do on the side since he’ll require less hands-on parenting and she snarkily (or at least that’s the way I read it; I’m not the only one of our mutual friends who also feels she comes across that way) said that she “had to laugh” and basically I was out to lunch thinking that he’d be easier, unless I’m talking about him being 10. She says you’re after them constantly because they’re into everything and climbing on things, etc. She says her almost 3 year old can’t be left alone for a minute unless he’s watching TV.

… okay, I don’t know how ill-behaved the children are in her world, but most 3 year olds I know have gotten over that for the most part, so she’s on crack with the 10 years figure. And how about having a safe place in the house where they can do what they want (within reason) so you don’t have to be so hypervigilant all the time? Not to ignore them, obviously, but so you don’t need to worry quite so much that they’re going to destroy the house or kill themselves if you have to pee? Not to mention in addition to having a safe place, to teach your kids to leave things alone and to listen if you tell them not to do something? Even 3 year olds that I don’t feel have a super high amount of discipline have better behaviour than how she makes hers sound. And not that I’m saying it’s easy and it definitely requires a lot of work to instill that good behaviour, but still.

Sometimes I wonder if she’s jealous or something. She’s always been into one-upping and trying to make herself feel better by looking for faults in others. She openly admits she likes to see people getting confused at her exercise classes because she can do every move now… even though she started off as one of the confused ones. I think most people would feel a sense of accomplishment with that… but actually gloating about it and using it as a reason to feel better about yourself and look down on others? Anyway, she’s always going on about how everyone has more money than she does (even if they don’t) and resents them for it even if they work hard for it, she feels that health problems in her family are a personal attack, etc. She got pregnant right away (so I’m sure she thinks she’s pretty awesome over me for that, probably thinks it’s about time my life isn’t perfect :P) but hated being pregnant, then hated how having a baby changed her life, hated being home with him (and in the US they only get 6 weeks off, not like it was a year). All this despite saying years ago that all she wanted to do was stay home and take care of her kids. Now granted things change – I always thought I wouldn’t want to stay home and now I’d do anything in order to.

My point being that maybe she’s jealous that I loved being pregnant despite the crappy stuff, I love being home with him, I just really love having him around. Or maybe it’s just the usual case of seeing things differently. When we got married, she was traditional and I wasn’t at all. Our whole attitudes are different. After writing this whole thing, I still have no idea why we’re still friends, except for old times’ sake. I know that if it weren’t for FB and our respective blogs, we would not have kept in touch. I just hate drama and I do want to know what’s up with her, but just with no actual contact 😛

Okay, rant over, I think. I’m debating on whether to bother replying to her comment or just ignore it. Last time I replied (to the breastfeeding one) and her answer was basically “oh, well, I know some BFing moms who did that and it worked for them. Maybe inthe future it’ll work” or something that implied maybe I’d come to my senses. Not likely, if it means agreeing with you! Ha!


Comments on: "why am I friends with this person?" (1)

  1. Silverdollar said:

    Maybe it’s time to sit down and really think about the reasons why you and this person have kept your friendship going for so many years. Were there benefits that used to be there, that are no longer there? Is it a 2 way friendship or has it become more lopsided? If you don’t think it’s healthy to continue on the same, you have two options -either mutually work on it to change it, or do some trimming.

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