I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

Archive for December, 2011

18 weeks 5 days

I started a post last week sometime, didn’t finish it, then came back to finish it the other day and then the whole thing got lost. And then I was mad for a bit. So I’ll try to remember what all I was talking about since it’s been a while since I posted. I’ll do it in point form.

– We went swimming with FrostedBaby for the first time two weeks ago. My husband was off work so we decided to go finally since he wanted to be there for the first time going. We went to a pool that specifically said it had a tot pool, since we figured at least then even if it wasn’t a specific “parent and baby” time, we wouldn’t be competing for pool space with other older kids who might be splashy and loud. He seemed to enjoy it – he was quiet and serious at first, taking it all in, but he didn’t cry (until he got hungry) and then was smiling and splashing and talking and stuff. Then he got hungry and I went to feed him and he fell dead asleep. We went again with my moms’ group two days later to a different pool and he warmed up faster to it and enjoyed himself. He looks so adorable in his swimming trunks. They have these boat things that the baby can sit in and float around in and he likes that too, and then you don’t have to hold on to them all the time. I was really impressed with both facilities – they have great big family change rooms that were really clean and it’s really nice to have specific shallow pools apart from the deeper ones. I’m looking forward to going again. My moms group meets on Mondays to go, so hopefully we’ll be able to join them regularly. And my mom wants to go with us too, so now that my husband has been involved I can go whenever.

– We had a Date Night! We decided to do it in celebration of our 15th dating anniversary (how is it possible that it’s been that long? two more years and we’ll have been together half my life. I’ve already known him half my life… crazy!). Because last time I went out FrostedBaby refused the bottle, we decided that we would get him to bed (since that’s now easy with the routine) and then go out so that my parents wouldn’t have any trouble. We went in the afternoon and visited with them and then got him to bed perfectly on time (and he went down easily, despite not being at home and not being in his crib) and then went to The Keg for dinner. Because he was asleep and fed and everything, I wasn’t at all worried about him since even if he woke up he wouldn’t be hungry and my dad is really good with him, plus we were just a short way away. We had a good time and I got to drink wine (I don’t drink a whole lot since you’re supposed to wait two hours after a drink to feed and I never get that long until he goes to bed and then half the time I’m not up very long after) and he didn’t wake up the whole time we were gone. Good boy!

– Christmas was good, although tiring. Both FrostedBaby and my husband came down with a cold starting on Christmas Eve. Between his 4 month shots, teething, and being sick, FrostedBaby was remarkably not too cranky, but was very sleepy and clingy. He was pretty cheerful in the morning but had had enough by the evening and we put him to bed early. My husband had to do all the cooking by himself, which is not unusual since he tends to do the big cooking like that since he likes turkey a lot more than I do, but I felt bad because I was holding the baby the whole time because he wouldn’t go to anyone else. It was nice to see my whole family all together since it’s hard to have everyone over at the same time because everyone works different hours and are really busy.

– I managed to stay well until today, when I started getting a sore throat and I’m feeling snotty and stuff. I’m missing a night out with my moms group because of it, which is disappointing, although there’s freezing rain the forecast for the night so I’m kind of glad in some ways. It’s not like I can decide not to come home if the weather gets really bad. Well, I suppose I could, but it’s a lot tougher to do that without thinking about it than it was before. Or if I knew for sure FrostedBaby would eat from the bottle.

– As mentioned above, FrostedBaby is/was teething. He’d been more drooly but I thought it was an age thing (like when their saliva glands start working) since it wasn’t as much as I’ve seen other kids drool, and he was chewing on his hands and other things more than before, but I thought that was because he was working on using his hands and putting things in his mouth. Then when I was bathing him, I saw two white bumps on his lower gums. I couldn’t tell for sure what they were, but I thought they might be teeth. Then a few days later, we could see the lines of the tops of them, and then by the end of that week they’d broken through the gums. For the record, he turned four months as they were breaking through. They’re “supposed” to get one tooth at around 6 months, then the second not too long after. So he’s a bit early on that. I have very mixed feelings about this, mostly because of breastfeeding. I was really hoping he would be a late teether since I really want to breastfeed him as long as possible and definitely up to a year since after then you can give them regular milk and it’s not as expensive as formula. So far he hasn’t bitten me, I don’t think, but with the shield I’m not sure if I would know for sure. There have been a few times when I think he’s rubbed his teeth on the shield, but I’m not sure if it was on purpose or not.

– He had his 4 month checkup last week. He’s 15 pounds, 3 ounces and 66cm long, both of which are right on the average curve. According to an online chart thingy, he’s now in the 75th-90th percentile for height and 25-50th for weight, which is a complete reversal from earlier, even though on the doctor’s charts he was following the curve. Either way, I’m not concerned. I’ve just cleared his drawer of most of this 3 month onesies because they were starting to be too small and look funny on him. He fits into the 3-6 month stuff and some of the smaller 6 month stuff. I had to go into the huge bin of clothes to pull out a bunch of the stuff in there and reorganized things by size in bags so it’ll be easier at the next size change. While I hate having to put his old clothes away, especially my favourites, I love seeing him in new clothes. Everything I put on him is so cute and especially when it’s something new.

– Sleeping is going so-so these days. He stopped napping during the day a few weeks ago, I have no idea why. He’s all sleepy and I get him relaxed and the second I put him down he wakes up and either he cries or he talks and sings and carries on and won’t sleep. I leave him if he’s happy and just talking and singing since at least I get a break, but one time I left him for over an hour and he never went to sleep. And when he cries, I don’t let him continue. If it’s his tired-and-about-to-fall-asleep type cry it’s okay, but if it gets into a certain register I won’t leave him. And then by the evening he’s so exhausted that he can’t get to sleep easily. The other day we put him to bed at 6:30 because he was so exhausted so early. And it’s not like he’s sleeping all night – he’s usually up every 4 hours on average. Sometimes it’s a 3 and sometimes it’s 5 or even 6 occasionally, but it’s usually around 4. I don’t mind the nights if he’s napping during the day, but the combination of not sleeping during the day (unless I’m holding him) and then being up 2-3 times at night is exhausting. Sometimes I dream that I’m still feeding him and I’m surprised when I wake up in bed and I wonder how I got there and if I put him back in his crib or what. Luckily he’s still up only about half an hour and goes down pretty easily, so I can’t complain about that.

That’s all for now. I’m getting tired and feeling not-well so I’m heading off to bed to hopefully sleep and pray he stays asleep for another few hours at least.


16 weeks 2 days

I was out Saturday night at a Moms’ Night In (meaning held at a group member’s house, rather than going out for dinner or something, which would be Moms’ Night Out) with a bunch of people from my moms’ group. It was a lot of fun, and not a lot of baby talk, which was nice. I feel like I actually fit in really well with them for the first time, like I’m not just an extra tagging along. I’m not sure if that’s because it was a more intimate setting (less noise going on, less distractions, etc) or if I’m just getting to know them better. In any case, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go but I’m really glad I did.

But naturally, FrostedBaby decided he was having none of drinking out of a bottle, so I had to come home early. I pumped 3 ounces after feeding him at about 5, then he woke up right before I left so I fed him, and then I guess he didn’t need to eat until Husband was putting him to bed at 8:30, I guess it was. Husband couldn’t get him to take anything, so he texted me and I left. Shortly after that, on my way home, he got him to take a little bit, but then FrostedBaby started screaming again. When I got home, Husband had calmed him down again but as soon as he handed him to me, FrostedBaby started smiling (actually, he smiled as soon as he saw me, but seemed actually excited when he realized I was going to feed him) and ate fine. If the group was just down the street I would have headed back but it was in about 10-15 minutes away and by the time FrostedBaby was down it was past 9 so I wasn’t sure how much longer they’d be hanging out. There was a really yummy looking pie that I didn’t get a chance to eat too!

As Husband said, I guess I don’t have to worry about him preferring the bottle :/

We’re not sure if he objected because it was his last feeding of the day or if this is a new thing. When I went out in October, he took the bottle but ate just small amounts and then as soon as I got home, he wanted to eat and that was his last feeding, when he always eats more and then falls asleep. Husband tried holding him like I hold him, in case it was a comfort thing too, but he was having none of it, just screamed.

We’ve been hoping to do a Date Night to celebrate our fifteenth dating anniversary (!!!!!!!!) next week and have my parents watch FrostedBaby, but we might have to re-evaluate exactly what we do and when we do it. If he’ll take enough so we can be out for a proper dinner (we usually do celebratory dinners at The Keg, so not a fast place like Swiss Chalet or something), then that’s great as long as we’re back in time for his last feed. But if not we might have to do a fairly quick, early something. It doesn’t really matter, but it would be nice to have some time, however quick, for just us. And just so we’ve done it and maybe we’ll get into the habit of doing it when it goes well. (I hope!)

I just booked FrostedBaby’s four month doctor appointment 😦 It’s on the 23rd. Hopefully if he’s cranky from the needles he’ll be over it within 24 hours or so, since everyone’s coming over on the 24th for xmas and staying until the 25th. Luckily Husband will be able to come this time, not that it’ll make it that much easier, but it kind of does. Maybe he can hold FrostedBaby and I can get my boob ready to feed him so I can comfort him faster and hopefully decrease the amount of real crying. Not looking forward to that at all.

The sleeping is going really well, both bedtime and naps. If he seems to be getting tired we start the routine earlier and he often goes to bed earlier. He naps at least twice a day, sometimes three times but again it depends on how tired he seems. On Sunday he wouldn’t nap at all, he just cried and cried (real crying, the kind I’m not going to ignore) when I put him down and wouldn’t sleep. But today he went down and then when he woke up he wasn’t crying so I gave him his pacifier back and he went to asleep again, and slept for another two hours, so three hours total! That’s a first.. they talk about that in the books but I’ve never been able to get him to do that so far. And now that I’ve talked about it, it’ll never happen again. He was really tired yesterday and got really cranky when we started getting him ready for bed, his exhausted “I’ve had enough!” crying where he can’t stop. I snuggled him in the MagicPosition(tm) and he fell asleep without eating, though then he woke up about an hour later, ate, and went back to bed. Hopefully his extra sleeping this morning means he’ll be his usual cheerful self for the day. When he’s cheerful I don’t care if he ever sleeps 😛

I’m actually wondering if we should be either putting him to bed even earlier, or else making more of an effort to make sure he naps around dinner time since the last few nights he’s gone into that overtired crying phase. But I don’t see any real sleepy signs (no rubbing eyes, no yawning, he seems cheerful and wide awake) before, so I don’t know if it’s just starting the routine kicks him into sleep mode and then suddenly he realizes he’s really tired, or what. Tonight it was after he’d eaten a fair bit, then he was fussing because he had to burp. I burped him and then he wouldn’t go back on properly and kept crying. Tried him on the other side in case the milk wasn’t flowing fast enough for him and he barely put his mouth on it before he was crying again. Then once again I used the MagicPosition(tm) and he calmed down and fell asleep. After his three hour nap this morning, he took another short nap in the afternoon, and then that was it. He was snoozing around dinnertime when I was feeding him, but then when I put him down he woke up. I’m wondering if I should make more of an effort to actually put him down around then and that would get him through to this time without all the hysterics.

The big thing is that I’m not sure how well he does with straying from our routine, so I’m trying to keep consistent until he’s used to it before I fiddle around with it… but I would imagine avoiding the overtiredness would be good for all of us, but I’m just not sure how to recognize it since it seems to come out of the blue sometimes. I guess we can give it a shot and see what happens. I’m not even sure the overtiredness is consistent or what it depends on. And the one consistent things about babies is their inconsistency, so maybe it’s just a now thing, I don’t know. And all babies are different so as much as what other people do can be somewhat helpful, it’s not always applicable.

15 weeks 5 days

I can’t believe I haven’t posted in over 3 weeks. I feel like I have so much to say and no time to write it all down.

A year ago today I took that test that turned out to be positive. I think I’m still somewhat in shock that I’m here now, with a successful pregnancy behind me and a 3.5 month old baby. At New Year’s last year I wished that by the next year, we wouldn’t recognize our lives. In some ways, that’s true… but at the same time it’s almost like I recognize my life more now this way than I did before. Like this is the way it’s been meant to be for many years now and it’s the way we were that was the unrecognizable way.

Since the last time I posted, FrostedBaby has:

– vastly improved the use of his hands. He’s grabbing things and getting his thumbs in his mouth and loves to manipulate objects, although his fine motor skills are lacking and he’s not always able to do exactly what he wants, but he’s working on it. I’ve taken the blankets out of his crib (we used to wrap him in a small flannelette one) because he’s started moving around a bit and will reach down and pull it up over his face. I don’t think it’s thick enough to smother him, but I’d rather not take the risk or be worrying about it. He is able to flip it off his face, but unless his hands are under it, he sometimes can’t quite move his hands and arms in the proper way to get it, so better safe than sorry.

– been laughing and smiling lots! It’s not quite that awesome baby laugh, but it’s getting close and a few times it’s been right on. He’s gotten really smiley with everyone now, instead of just occasionally. He’ll smile for other people, but he almost always gives his biggest grin when he sees me, which is obviously adorable.

– we’ve put him on a bedtime routine and a nap schedule and that’s been helping a lot with him actually napping during the day and going to bed at a predictable time at night. I think the two of them are working well to get him to sleep well and not get overtired so he can’t sleep. After reading some stuff on sleep, I realized that some of the stuff we were doing was actually overstimulating him and making it hard for him to fall asleep, rather than working his energy out and making him sleepy like we thought. It was making him sleepy, but not helping him sleep. Things like his playmat or being overly interactive with him and that sort of thing, probably the TV can do it too (which explains why he was more fussy in the evenings when my husband is home than when I’m by myself – because I never turn on the TV). So now we’re more mindful of what we’re doing and when we’re doing it, and I’m attempting to somewhat follow the idea of the Baby Whisperer stuff, where they should follow a routine of eating, playing, sleeping at predictable intervals. So far it’s been working really well and for the past week he’s been in bed and usually asleep by 9 (aside from one night that he had a lot of gas and was fussy) and he’s been taking several hour-long naps during the day. For bedtime, we start it at the same time and do some quiet things with him, like snuggling in the glider or walking around (Daddy does this part usually), then he gets hungry and I feed him in the glider in his room. If he’s not sleepy after he’s finished eating, I rock with him. Usually I put him down either if he fell asleep on me, or if he just seems tired and he’s generally asleep within a few minutes of going down. Same with his naps, I try to do some quiet stuff with him about 10 minutes before I want him down (I aim for an hour and a half to two hours after he wakes up that I want him to nap, or if he’s showing signs of being sleepy, like rubbing his eyes) and then put him down and again he’s usually out within a few minutes. I only go in if he actually cries, or to replace his pacifier in his mouth (he doesn’t necessarily need it to sleep, just sometimes needs it to wind down) and then I leave. Sometimes he smiles or laughs or wiggles excitedly when he sees me, but I just put his pacifier in and walk out, which is actually really hard because he’s just so darn cute. I’m lucky he’s a good sleeper on his own. Occasionally he screams and won’t go down and then I don’t force it if he’s too upset, I just try to calm him down again and not force the issue. At this point I don’t feel that crying it out is for us because if he’s crying like that, he needs me. Which is of course really frustrating too because sometimes I can’t quite figure out what the magic thing is that will help him, but at least he’s not screaming and upset all by himself. (obviously other people have different babies who have different needs, etc, but that’s where we are right now)

– We went on a several-day trip to Michigan to visit my mom’s family! We’d been trying to visit since he was born, but between us being busy and relatives there being sick and all, it never worked out. Last Wednesday night my mom phoned me and said she and my dad had decided to go the next morning, would I like to come with them. I figured I would never end up going until spring if I waited, since the weather will be turning soon, so I packed our bags (packing is such a pain with a baby!) and went to my parents’ that evening, and we left really early in the morning the next day. FrostedBaby was a total angel the whole time we were away – cheerful and friendly. I think in part it was that I inadvertently started the bedtime routine that we continued after I got home since it was working so well (I’d just been reading about sleep and babies during the day before my mom called me) but he’s just generally a pretty cheerful kid. We were also doing a fair bit of driving around, so he got to nap frequently and that definitely helped. It was a nice visit, and now my relatives know that it’s not just Nana bragging about her perfect grandson, it’s all true!

– He slept for 12 hours the night we got back, though hasn’t repeated it since. While we were away, he was sleeping longer and longer, which was a really nice break from the up every three hours if I’m lucky stuff (I’m okay with being up, I just hate that it takes me a while to get back to sleep so my actual sleeping time is really reduced). He’s all over the place right now, between four hours and 9+ hours. I have no idea why. At least he’s going to bed predictably now (knock on wood!) and isn’t up for a long time and is taking naps. When he was up every three hours and then not sleeping during the day and staying up til midnight some nights, I got no breaks and was ready to kill myself.

And now he’s up from his nap so I need to post this and run!