I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

9 weeks 6 days old

My afternoon and evening out was a success! I didn’t leave as early as I was planning as I had to coordinate with my husband’s work schedule, so I got stuck in the beginning of rush hour, so I was later than I really wanted to be to my parents’ and didn’t get to see them as long as I would have liked, but oh well. Had a really nice dinner and I’m hoping we’ll do it again sometime.

I actually wasn’t that worried, aside from the whole coming back and him deciding he likes the bottle better, but in fact he seemed happy that his boobs were back home. My husband said he ate okay, but was more fussy than he usually is, though he’s often fussy on the boob too depending on if he has gas or if I respond too early for his hunger cues and so he doesn’t eat properly because he’s not as hungry as he could be. In any case, he does not prefer the bottle and I’m very happy about that. It’s pretty much perfect – he’ll eat okay off the bottle but prefers the boob. Then I have some freedom and can leave without worrying about him starving, but most of the time he’s happy that I’m there to feed him.

It was nice to be myself for a little while. Not that I’m not myself with the baby around… but I can’t fully concentrate on anything because I’m always anticipating him needing me. It was nice to eat a whole meal without feeling the need to rush or being interrupted. It was weird when I was getting my stuff together to leave. I have no idea what I personally need anymore. I did a mental diaper check. No, I don’t need diapers. No, I don’t need a change of clothes. No, I don’t need 15 burp cloths. Got my wallet, my cell phone and my keys. That’s all I need! Weird!

The last… week or two, I think it is (time blurs together so badly these days), FrostedBaby has been increasing his time being asleep. He went from sleeping for 3 hours at a time a few weeks ago to 6 hours for a few days (I wrote about that one), then it was 7 hours, and last night he slept 8 hours! Of course, any time he sleeps longer than usual I wake up and have to go check on him, and my boobs get all full and painful and I wake up with huge wet spots on my pajamas (yes, I wear breast pads to sleep but they’re the reusable kind and they’re fine if they’re adjusted to whatever schedule he’s keeping, but not so great if he goes a lot longer). Then I debate whether to wait him out or to pump some or to hand express. They adjust within a few days of the same type of schedule, but it’s unpredictable. He could do 8 hours tonight, he could do 3 hours, he could do 12 hours, or anything in between. Then after sleeping for 8 hours he finally woke up and relieved some the pressure, went back down after about 40 minutes, then slept for another little bit over an hour, then I took him into my bed and fell asleep feeding him (I’m not worried about doing this since I’m a very light sleeper) and we slept for another 2 hours together and didn’t get up until 11. He didn’t wake up until noonish, I think it was, when I had showered and brought him downstairs to change his diaper and let him sleep down here where we were. He woke up and ate and then slept a good part of the afternoon as well. He was awake most of yesterday so I’m guessing he was making up for that? He woke up this evening and was cranky in an overtired way, which is frustrating because often he won’t sleep even if his eyes are really heavy. I guess that’s pretty normal, judging from a lot of the kids I know.

He has this new game where I flip his flannel blanket over his face while he’s laying on his change table and he can now purposely move his arms so that it flips off his face. And then he grins and laughs. He’ll actually wait to wave his arms until it’s coming towards him and sometimes he waves them really fast and hard and whips the blanket off. He laughs the most then. I actually got it on video, which surprised me since as I’ve said many times before, as soon as I start filming, he stops whatever he’s doing. I was sneaky about it and propped the camera up off to the side so it wasn’t right in his face.

We have a busy week coming up. Monday I’m going for lunch with a couple of my co-workers, one who is also on mat leave. Tuesday I think I’m taking my husband to the airport and seeing my family and/or a friend who is in the area and if I’m not doing that then I’ll be at my mom’s group weekly gathering. Wednesday I’m supposed to see my sister (not sure if I’m going there or if she’s coming here, but I have some stuff to take to her and she doesn’t drive so I’ll probably go there). Thursday is the breastfeeding support group. Friday I’m picking up my husband from the airport (assuming I dropped him off and he needs a ride) and again probably seeing either my family and/or another friend who is out that way. If I don’t drop him off and pick him up, I may either keep that day open if I’m tired by then, or not. I don’t mind being at home for a good portion of the day, but I do like having something going on so I leave the house. I find by the evening when he’s fussy it’s a lot harder to deal with if I haven’t done something else during the day.

I’m planning on signing us up for the baby group at the library, where they sing songs and read books. He’s a bit young, but he does enjoy it when we sing and I figure it’s never too early to be introduced to the library 😉 Plus it’s another opportunity to meet other moms, maybe some that I’ll actually really click with. So far the only potential one is J and while I enjoy her company I’m not sure we click in the way I’m looking for. Not that I’m having issues keeping myself busy 😉 The one thing with the library program is that the thing is at like 9am, which is really early considering how long we are usually asleep for. I just wouldn’t go back to bed after his morning feeding (usually around 6 or 7), but it does mean a bit less sleep for me. Though maybe he’ll stay awake and then go to bed earlier in the evening. I’m not sure if newborns adjust their schedules like that… although when we sleep in in my bed until 10, I do think he tends to go to bed later. I should keep track and see because that would motivate me not to sleep in so much 😉 He’s cheerful in the mornings so it’s fine when he’s awake. When I’m tired and he’s tired and cranky, I really appreciate him going to bed earlier.

Speaking of which, he’s down and I’m tired. I keep hoping he’ll go to bed early and I’ll get a chance to have a beer but lately it’s been past 11 and I’m tired and just want to go to bed myself. I used to go to bed when he was asleep earlier, but he also was sleeping less. I’ll probably never drink again 😛

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