I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

33 days old

FrostedBaby now weighs 9 pounds, 11 ounces. The MW was the same as our last appointment two weeks ago and says he looks great and once again exclaimed over how cute he is. I don’t know if she says that to everyone (she says she doesn’t), but I happen to agree with her.

I forgot my shield when I left and naturally he decided he was starving to death the second we got into the office. The MW was trying to help me get him latched on without it and he was having none of it and he was SO MAD. I was trying to get him on the side that has the smaller nipple (it doesn’t stick up as much) just because that was the side he had fed less on that day, but then we tried switching to the other side. He was having none of it when she was trying to get him on, but when she let him go and stepped away, he very politely latched himself on just like he’d been doing it forever. I tried it doing it again without it on that side at home, but he didn’t take to it. It is nice to know that in a pinch he can do it, and I guess I should perservere a bit to get him on a naked boob, but I dunno. It just brings back all those frustrating memories of trying to get him on it in the first few days and trying to juggle all the body parts (since I don’t need to hold my boob with the shield on like I do without it) and him getting mad and frustrated too, it goes so much more smoothly with it.

She commented on how much milk I have from the gulping sounds he was making. And the first time she touched my boob to help get him on, it sprayed right into his face, poor guy. At least I know it is a lot, since if this isn’t a lot, I dread to see those who are considered to have a lot!

We had our first sleep overnight not at home earlier this week when my husband went to Ottawa on a business trip. I was hoping I could tag along and go to a friend’s since she’s right along the way, but the timing didn’t work out so instead I went to my parents’. It went well, though nothing is quite as comfortable as being at home. As I posted on FB, I packed a ton of extra clothes and actually needed almost all of it, which is ridiculous since it was just over 24 hours that I was there. But I tend to change his sleepers as soon as he spits up on them (with the exception of overnight if he’s already asleep and I don’t want to wake him up again) so we go through a lot of laundry around here because of that. Maybe that’s the norm for most people, but I know some people who don’t do that.

I brought along the bassinette (without the stand) and put him in my mom’s sewing room. I turned out to be perfect because she has a comfy chair in there (not as good as my glider, but not bad) and a dim light that I could flip on without blinding us, so then I didn’t have to stumble up and down the stairs a bunch of times and could get him down again easily (I prefer not to have to move him around much, especially for the middle of the night when I often put him down when he’s just drowsy because he can put himself to sleep. When he’s dead asleep, nothing will wake him, but when he’s just drowsy he wakes up easily).

I got to show him to the next door neighbour and my mom was having lunch with a long term friend’s of hers (last time I saw her was our wedding, I believe) so I tagged along. I haven’t spent a lot of time with them as an adult so that was nice.

That night back at home, FrostedBaby went to bed earlier than usual (not by much, but still) and slept through the whole night! I think it was around 7 hours, from just before 10 to around 5. I was up a bunch, waking up and checking on him and then pumping when my boobs got too painfully full and there was no sign of him waking up soon. I was afraid he’d be wide awake after sleeping that long but he went back to sleep until 8:30 I think it was. I think it was because he was awake more that day although I don’t think he got a lot less sleep. I actually prefer when he’s up at predictable times though, as long as he goes back to sleep easily. I wake up anyway and I prefer feeding him to pumping even though it takes longer. He takes more out so I’m comfortable longer, plus I get the snuggling of feeding him.

I haven’t decided for sure yet, but I might be planning an evening out without him for October. A group of people from the online IF support group who live in Mississauga, including one of my due date group buddies are meeting for dinner and I might join them. My husband is away for a few days and I might go to my parents’ and see if they’ll watch FrostedBaby for a few hours. My husband comes back before I go, but depending on if he’s late or if he’ll pick him up before heading home, he might not be available. I’d prefer to leave him with my husband since I know he’ll settle for him, but my dad’s good with him too and it’s only a few hours and I’ll be close by.

He’s started getting fussy in the evenings, classically starting around 6 or 7. He’s still not very bad and he’s easy to placate, but it’s a bit frustrating because he signals that he wants to eat, but then he’s not really eating properly, or not for very long and then he’s fussing and carrying on. I’ve gotten better at giving him one more chance to eat properly, and then I put the boob away and we walk around or whatever. I also read The Happiest Baby on the Block before he was born so we’ve found that swaddling him (arms in, not sure if that makes a difference, but in the book he says that sometimes parents don’t swaddle tight enough to create that peaceful feeling and I did it the first time and it worked, so who knows) and then rocking him energetically stops his fussing and puts him to sleep pretty quickly.

Some cute things he does:

When he eats, he often has his lower hand up near his face on top of my boob and he sticks his index finger up in the air. As he falls asleep, his finger gets lower and lower, then if he wakes up a bit more, it goes back up. I call it his awake-o-meter and it always makes me laugh. And then he gets a milkshake 😛

He loves to look around, and he is particularly fascinated by pictures on the wall and will stare at them for a long time. I’m not sure exactly how much they can see (they say it’s about 30cm they can see clearly) but he can track either of us from across the room so he can at least see clearly enough that far to recognize us.

He’s very smiley first thing in the morning. He’ll actually react with a smile to something, but just in general he gives random smiles and is very cute and almost interactive. Not really, but almost! He continues to have a lot of facial expressions. I wish I had a camera on hand at all times, ready to take his picture to capture all of them.

He can hold his head up pretty good now and is getting better at lifting it when he’s on his tummy, though he gets frustrated easily like that. His legs are really strong (I could have told you that before he was born!) and sometimes he actually lifts himself up like he’s trying to stand if you’re holding him the right way. If you make faces at him he seems like he mimics you, though it takes a while and it’s not always clear. Not sure if he sticks his tongue out because he’s trying to poop or if it’s in response to me.

He’s started making more sounds, which is really cute. He is fascinated when I say “frrrrrrroggie!” for some reason.

I’ve been writing this post all afternoon, so I’m going to post the next part in point form. Other things of note around here:

– I’m back to wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans! My mat jeans were falling down all the time so I decided to try these ones again and they fit better. They’re still a bit snug and I’m not 100% sure they’re not pushing up my little bit of looser belly skin up, but when I wear a shirt you can’t really tell. They look good otherwise.

– I was given the go-ahead to have sex again. I thought I had to wait until six weeks post partum, so that surprised me a bit. This is good news because it’s been a while, but also scary because I’m a bit afraid. And you’re supposed to take your time and relax, which is a bit hard to do even though he’s a good sleeper and generally doesn’t wake up once he’s down. I guess at the very least it’s good that hormones aren’t all nuts and killing any interest. Though it’s a lot easier to fit nothing in 😉

He has a yeast diaper rash, which I took him to the doctor about last week and they confirmed that that’s what it is and that he doesn’t have thrush, thankfully. It’s been looking better since we started using the cream though he has some remains of it right in his butt crack where it’s in direct contact with his poop and is the hardest area to air out. He also has a lot of baby acne which I’m not nuts about, but I gather that will go away on its own eventually. It just looks really red and irritated sometimes, though sometimes it doesn’t look so red depending on what he’s doing, I guess. He doesn’t seem bothered by it, in any case.

Tonight he’s been really frustrating with his fussiness and on-off-on-off the boob combined with the fact that I’m really sore (probably as a result of the on-off stuff) and totally touched out in my boobal area, and I have a big headache (probably weather-related, I’m guessing there’s a storm coming in addition to the all day rain) and I thought he had gone to sleep but when I got upstairs he opened his eyes and was all wide awake. Then I brought him back downstairs to change his diaper and he pooped in the clean one, then he peed in the second clean one. Good timing. Normally I’d laugh about it but I’m really tired and headachey and I’m just done for today and would like him to go to sleep now and give me a break. I’ll be happy to see him again in the night when my boobs are full again 😉

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