I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

25 days old

What sort of sixth sense does FrostedBaby have that he could be asleep for hours or minutes, but the second it’s time for me to eat he wakes up and wants to eat too? Is it the same one he used in utero to detect when the camera was on and then he’d stop moving?

Things continue to go well here. I moved him into his own room last Thursday I think it was since I was spending half the night listening to all his noises and waiting for him to wake up but he wouldn’t for hours and I’d be dozing on and off along with him making noise or being quiet and I started worrying I was going to get so tired I’d start sleeping through everything, or tuning everything out. I was really nervous to have him so far away, but he was fine and went to sleep with no problems (actually, I think he likes his crib mattress better than the bassinette) and I surprisingly fell asleep really fast despite being worried. I actually slept the longest at a stretch that I’d gotten since he was born and only woke up when he cried. And when I heard him, I think I was into his room before I was even fully awake. So he’s been in there since and while I usually wake up before him still, especially if he sleeps until 3 or later, I’m feeling a lot less tired. I’m not a big fan of when he wakes me out of a sleep since I always feel like he’s been crying a while and it’s taken me a long time to wake up. He’s never in his frantic mode (he tends to wind up, rather than going from 0 to 100 like some babies and it takes him a while to get to 100) but it still worries me a bit since I don’t hear his first cry that he makes before starting to wind up for real. I have to remind myself constantly after I’ve put him to bed and I’m getting ready to go off myself not to go check on him if he’s just making noise, to wait until he actually makes a crying sound because half the time he’s asleep when he’s making noise, or if he’s awake he’ll often go to sleep on his own if I just leave him alone.

He’s been going through a growth spurt, I think, since there was one night that he fed every two hours and he was awake a lot of the day, then he slept more than usual for a few days, then he cluster fed earlier this week pretty much all afternoon and evening, and he’s seemed to be back to normal since, with more feeding in the evenings but not the crazy cluster feeding where he’s constantly complaining he’s hungry.

He’s been a bit fussier lately which makes me wonder if that’s his purple crying, which is when babies get really fussy and inconsolable in the evenings mostly for no reason and nothing helps. Even when he’s fussy it’s possible to make him stop crying, by walking around and showing him stuff and holding him, so it’s not awful but it is unlike his usual personality where he’s happy to look around and doesn’t get too upset about anything.

I find him difficult to entertain because he’s not terribly interactive and it’s hard to tell what he can see and what would interest him. Sometimes he likes one thing and sometimes he doesn’t. I know this will only get more difficult and demanding, but at least eventually there will be some reaction back. Right now I do a lot of walking and dancing and singing and just talking to him, which he seems to like. He likes to be bounced and rocked vigorously (that’s my husband’s department) and he really likes to be walked around so he can look at stuff. When I walk up the stairs, he always leans his head waaaaay back and looks at the ceiling fan with this amazed look on his face. He also likes to be burped over my shoulder while we’re sitting in the glider and he stares at the rainbow blanket I have draped over the back of it (put it there originally for colour, but now I’m leaving it there because it keeps him entertained).

I went to the BF support group again today, the first time since the time we went when he was 4 days old and needed so much help. There was a girl there from my prenatal class, which was cool since we got to catch up a bit. Also met a girl whose baby is three weeks old (as opposed to FrostedBaby, who is three and a half weeks :P) and who is on the FB support group that my friend started for people she meets at these groups. It’s kind of neat that I can already give some advice to people and to really know that a lot of the issues I have or had really are very common and now I can help people even though I’m still very new at it too. I wish the group met at a different time though, since 1:30 is my naptime (FrostedBaby very consistently takes a long sleep in the afternoon and I usually lay down then too; it’s my natural sleepy time, even before I had him I’d always get sleepy around then) and by the time it’s over he’s waking up and won’t sleep for as long or as deeply until he goes down for the night, or at least not consistently.

Breastfeeding is going much better. Some days it seems like we’ve gotten our act together and he’s actively helpful in latching on and it’s like we know what we’re doing and then other days he’s forgotten everything he knew from the day before or even the last feeding. Assuming he’s not cluster feeding though, it’s generally an enjoyable activity now, even in the middle of the night, especially if he doesn’t wake up too much, and he eats and then goes back to bed really easily.

I’d love to talk about something besides FrostedBaby, but I don’t really have a whole lot going on outside of him, which I’m hoping to rectify in the not too distant future. Even though he’s obviously the biggest part of my life currently, I’d like to have something else to talk/think about. I’m not really keeping up on the news even. I’m writing a lot of this down so I’ll remember stuff and especially about him, but it’s also partly that I have nothing else going on.

I did go see my chiropractor on Wednesday (I had an appointment on the day after I gave birth which I obviously cancelled and then I wasn’t in any shape to go for a while and then kept forgetting to call and rebook an appointment) and got to show him off there. She was really excited since she knows all the trouble we’ve had. After that I dropped by work since they’re in the same area. It was good to see everyone, although there were a few clients who I’d been hoping to see who were cancelled. I’m hoping to go by next time on a Friday when my favourite client is in and a bunch of others who would love to see him.

My husband (I really need to come up with a name to call him here) is out today and he was out for the afternoon a few days ago, so I’ve been getting some experience with being by myself with FrostedBaby. He’s going away to Ottawa next week for a night, though I might be going to a friend’s since she’s close by. I’m unsure about the long drive though, so I’m undecided. He’s pretty good in the car, but that’s a long time plus there are certain times of the day that he feeds more frequently during and that would be a pain. Even if I pump ahead of time, I’d need to be relieved… although it’s actually only 3.5 hours to my friend’s, so it’s possible he could go the whole time. It’s been okay by myself, but it’s a lot harder, especially with FrostedBaby getting upset and hungry every time I try to eat. At least when Husband’s around, he can prepare dinner for after feeding or I can eat one handed while feeding, but when I’m by myself I can’t make dinner while feeding him, or even just heat something up. And it’s hard to plan between feedings because it seems like his feedings rotate around when I want to eat 😛 Really not looking forward to him going away for a stretch of time, though maybe it’ll be a bit better by then. It’s also nice to have someone to pass him off to when he’s fussy since often a different person holding him helps, and he sometimes makes me frustrated by constantly rooting but then not eating and then crying when he’s not happy. Sometimes I wonder if just being near me makes him feel the need to eat or be near my boobs (aka the AYCE buffet). Sometimes giving him to someone else will convince him he does in fact want to eat and he’ll settle down to a real feeding when before he wouldn’t, or it’ll convince him that he’s not actually hungry and then he gets busy doing something else. I find it difficult to ignore his hunger cues just in case he really is hungry.

I haven’t been able to read as much as I’d like, since I’m either reading a few pages and then I’m going to sleep, or else I’m trying to read and I keep getting interrupted, especially since he doesn’t eat much at a time most of the time, though that’s getting better. I think it’s also partly because the book I’m reading isn’t terribly exciting. It’s good and I want to finish it, but it’s not really gripping so I’m less motivated to push through and read it despite the interruptions.

I apparently forgot to post this yesterday, so here it is now, though he’s now 26 days old 😉


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