I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

39w6d

I was very excited to get a comment to my last entry! Thank you! My very first comment!

Tomorrow is my due date. How did I get here so fast?

I have a feeling it’s not going to be too much longer. Not sure if I’d make any predictions for what day at this point, but I feel like things are really starting to gear up, between knowing how effaced and dilated I was and having lots of those awesome stabby cervix pains and lots of pressure and all that great stuff pointing to the idea that I’m probably continuing to efface and dilate. Plus last night I think I lost my mucous plug. It wasn’t a big single glob in the toilet like they sometimes say, it was that my CM was all goopy and thick and snotty all of a sudden, where it’s been not like that until now, and it was tinged with pinkish. I haven’t had anything like that before, especially so much all at once or in a short space of time.

Of course, that doesn’t mean much as far as timing… but everything all together seems to be a good sign that I’m continuing to progress in the right direction. I was saying to a friend that this is a lot like the 2ww. You’re hyper sensitive to every twinge and symptom and then you google and you get no answers besides sometimes those are symptoms and sometimes they’re not. The only real symptom of a pregnancy is the positive pregnancy test, and the only way to know you’re about to go into real labour is that you go into real labour.

I will say that I am definitely in prelabour, but I’ve been there for a while and it could continue for a while still. Or I could start five minutes from now. I find that I vacillate depending on what I’m feeling. Haven’t felt much in a while, I’m convinced it’s a while off. Then I get one cramp and I start thinking maybe it could be very soon! And then it goes away and I’m back to thinking it’s not for a while. Good times! I wonder how long it’ll take for me to be convinced I’m actually in labour – a friend of mine was saying even after her contractions defintely changed and she’d phoned the hospital and they said to come in (and she delivered the baby two hours later), she wasn’t really convinced. I was joking that they’d be yelling “PUSH!” and I’d still be saying, “oh, I think it might be sometime soon”. Along with “I can’t believe I’ve made it this far!” 😛

Speaking of which, I finally used, “assuming I make it that far” in a positive way last week. Rather than meaning, “assuming I haven’t lost the baby by then” I meant “assuming I haven’t had the baby by then”. So weird to think in that way instead of feeling like I need to…. whatever it is when you mean it the bad way.  Not take anything for granted? I still have trouble even taking a safe delivery for granted, still feel that I need to add a “hopefully” when talking about things going well.

I was surprised at how calm I was when I thought I might be beginning labour the other day, with the back pain. It was just like, “oh, this could be it” and I just accepted it and went about my business. Went to bed, figuring that if it was it, I’d better get whatever sleep I could and I’d know it if it were worth getting excited about. I expected that either I’d be really freaked out and unable to do anything except pace nervously, or else I’d be so excited that I wouldn’t be able to sleep or be rational and I’d end up pacing excitedly. Maybe when I’m fully convinced that I’m going into labour it’ll be different. Or maybe it’ll just be when I transition into active labour and it starts to really not be fun and all that it’ll hit me. Or maybe I’m just ready to deal with it so it’ll just be “okay, here we go” and I’ll just do it. I think after a few more days of waiting, I’ll just be so glad to be DOING something finally that I won’t even care that it hurts and what it really means.

I find that I’m more nervous about everything in the morning, and then by afternoon/evening I’m less so and more excited. I wonder if that’s strange, or if it’s a hormonal swing thing or something.

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Comments on: "39w6d" (2)

  1. Wow! It’s almost here. So excited for you. I look forward to reading your birth story. And can’t wait to see baby pics!

  2. I think you’re right about comparing the wait to deliver to the 2ww. Full of hope an anticipation. I’m sure things will be fine.

    Oh, I get emotional when I haven’t eaten in a while so your change in feelings/emotions could be due to hormones or bloodsugar or something similar.

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