I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

38w6d/39w0d

I’m not saying that I’m to the point where I’m desperate for this to be over, but I’m definitely getting there. I feel bad saying that because I do still love being pregnant, but I’m finding that I’m more and more uncomfortable.

I look forward to being able to lay on my back again. I look forward to it not being a huge ordeal to move once I lay or sit down. I look forward to being more flexible and agile again. I look forward to being able to eat whatever I want again and not have to worry about there being garlic in everything. I look forward to not having pressure and stabbing pains in my cervix on a regular basis. I look forward to being able to bend over and pick stuff up off the floor. I look forward to not having to pee every hour at night and frequently during the day, except when I actually have to. I look forward to my belly being smaller and not bumping against everything (it gets really annoying and painful after a while). I look forward to completing the pregnancy and knowing I did the whole thing successfully. I look forward to meeting my baby!

I will miss my belly, though maybe not at its current size (really makes me glad I’m not having twins!). I will miss the anticipation leading up to this. I will miss the sense of amazement at my body doing something right for once, though I guess that will transfer to amazement at watching him grow.

I am really uncomfortable today and just in general I feel weird. It’s been getting worse the last few days on and off, but today I’m feeling really hormonal. I don’t know if it’s was waking up at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep until nearly 7 (I considered getting up several times, but I kept feeling like I was going to go back to sleep at any second) and then going back to sleep for another few hours so I’m feeling out of sorts, or what. But I feel really tired and like I could cry at the drop of a hat, which has not been the case for this whole pregnancy. I’ve been feeling crampy a lot and a fair bit of pressure, both just in general when I walk but also when baby moves around, which is common over the last while but I think is increasing in frequency? Unless I’m just getting tired of it or as I’m nearing my due date (one week!) I’m paying more attention.

I think I’ll be packing the last of the hospital bag today, because although I don’t feel like I’m actually going into labour right now… I’m starting to wonder if the hormones and all mean that it’s coming. And if not, then the bag will be ready for when it is. At least I won’t be waking up in the middle of the night obsessing about it.

It could also be that a friend of mine who was two weeks ahead of me and was now approaching 41 weeks but was told at her 38 weeks appointment that she was probably going to go that week but ended up waiting another three weeks… she had her baby last night and I was chatting with her online when she was going into labour. She went off to lay down and relax a bit because she felt that this was it, and the baby was born something like four hours later. That’s pretty exciting and got me excited about it being my turn, so maybe that’s part of it as well.

Either way, at this point I feel like I could very likely be close. Or I could still be weeks away. I definitely see the beauty of being scheduled now 😉

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