I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

38w1d

MW appointment today. They did an internal to check how my cervix is doing, which wasn’t nearly as awful as I expected given how swollen and sore I am down there. It was painful at first, but they were really nice and did it slowly and it was okay.

Anyway, I’m 1.5cm dilated (not sure about effacement) and his head is right there (so cool! I want to feel!), which means he’s dropped fully, which surprised me since I don’t look or feel any different to suggest that he would be.

It doesn’t really mean a whole lot, except that things are progressing in the right direction. It’s not like they’re predicting I’m going to go into labour anytime soon, except to say that it could be at any point. It’s probably not tomorrow… but it could be.

Funny how hearing about a girl in my prenatal class 8 weeks ago (she was 35-36 weeks at the time) being locked and loaded made me feel scared, but now only a short time later it’s sort of exciting, especially to know that your body just somehow knows what to do. Not that there isn’t some anxiety there about the unknown, but still. I just feel more ready now than I did then.

Today after my appointment I got together with a friend who I haven’t seen in a while and we went to another of her friend’s houses (just around the corner from her) for a pool party, which was really nice especially since it was so hot. I’m hoping to either find my own group of friends who have children of the same age as mine in my area, or else join another group so that I have support from people and grown up socializing and stuff. I’m not always great at meeting people I have a ton in common with because I’m different than the average person, but hopefully having kids in common will help with that a bit. Even if they don’t end up being lifelong friends, I’m okay with that if it helps with the more difficult really early stuff.

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