I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

30w3d

I can’t believe I haven’t updated in over two weeks. I have no idea where the time has gone. Although I’ve been quiet a lot online for the past few weeks, not really sure why. Part of it is that WordPress runs really slowly on my computer for some reason and when I try to update, it spends a lot of time thinking and spinning the colour wheel thing, especially if I’m trying to read my last few entries to remind myself of what I said.

Baby continues to be very active. He keeps shoving himself up under the right side of my rib cage and I keep getting these sharp kicks. I’m not sure if it’s him who’s sharp (an elbow? a knee? the back of a foot?) or if it’s just catching the edge of my ribs or something, but it’s definitely a sharp feeling. I get a lot of sliding movement now as he’s rolling over, and lately my whole stomach will change shape and then go nuts as he’s adjusting position, which is really neat. Trying to get it on video, but as usual as soon as the camera comes out, he stays really still. Still not really identifying definite body parts, but much more able to figure out where he is and lots of all-over movement on my belly. Sometimes one side will cave in while the other side pops out.

My shower is in two weeks (or rather, two Saturdays from now, it’s less than two weeks since it’s now Wednesday) and I’m getting excited because at least two of my friends who I haven’t seen in forever are coming, plus potentially two others. They’re all very busy and coming from long distances away, so I wasn’t sure if they would be able to make it but it actually works out for all of them and I’m so thrilled. I just want my friends and an ice cream cake and I’m good 😉

We started our prenatal classes last Saturday and have the last one this Saturday (I think I said before, we opted for the two six hour Saturdays instead of the 6 2 hour Wednesdays, which actually I’m glad about since if you do the latter you spend the first three weeks on labour and I’m much better at processing the lots of information whole picture over the small bits and pieces with space in between format), and so far we are quite happy with them. I had heard from a lot of people that they were disappointed in their classes because they didn’t learn much, but even if the first class was the only one I think I’m happy with it. We both feel more prepared for what to expect from labour and in particular we have a better idea of what his role will be. She really emphasized the things the husband can be doing and encourages them to be proactive and assertive once real labour starts, making decisions and suggestions and stuff since I might not be able to think so clearly by that point. So when I’m freaking out because I can’t find a good position to labour in, he should be suggesting ones that we learned and coming up with ideas and encouraging and all that, not just going, “I don’t know either!” And I guess that sounds like a lot of pressure in some ways, but if he knows that, we can prepare a list of positions to try ahead of time so he can look at that for things to suggest and that sort of thing. I feel much more confident knowing that he’ll know what to do and I think he’ll be good at that, since he knows me well and knows what positions I tend to like and what has helped my back feel better while I’m pregnant, that sort of thing.

Looking forward to next week when we’ll talk about what happens after delivery (cord blood and eye drops and apgar scores and all that) and breastfeeding and  then (gulp) how to take care of the baby once he’s home.

We’re trying to decide how to work the whole visiting-the-new-baby thing, whether to get people to come to the hospital and/or come home with us after (with a midwife, if all goes well and you want to go, you can go home after a couple of hours, which sounds great to me!) or whether that might be too overwhelming. Also to figure out who is going to stay over for a bit to help and when, since I don’t want everyone at once, but the only person I definitely want to stay is my mom (and my dad). I can see them being helpful without taking over being overly judgemental or anything like that, they would help when it’s needed but not get in the way, where I’m not so sure if my MIL would be the same way. She might be really helpful and take a back seat, but she could also be disapproving and not be very helpful, I’m not sure. I just know that I don’t have the same relationship with her as with my own mom (and neither does my husband) and I’m just not sure what she’s hoping or expecting to do either. I do know that I don’t want her there right away, so that I can figure out a bit what I’m doing before she comes, so we are more sure of ourselves and if she is disapproving then we’re less sensitive to it. I particularly think she might be critical of my husband and how he does things and I don’t want his self confidence to be undermined by her, whether intentional or not. I know he already has some lack of confidence in his abilities, so I want him to feel sure of himself.

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