I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels


If I ever need to be reminded about how lucky I am in so many ways, unfortunately reading the online forum is a good place to do that. Just read today about a girl who miscarried during her 12th week without any warning. She talked about how when she hit that mark, she breathed a sigh of relief and started to feel a bit more secure about the whole thing, which I think is something we all do at that point. I know nothing is guaranteed, and you don’t have to look too far to find the story of someone who’s lost their baby even later (or during labour, or at any point after), but it always feels like there should be a point where you can feel safe and not worry anymore. I guess parenting is actually all about worrying, but you know what I mean. Kind of like if you’ve been in a relationship long enough, that should mean you’re going to make it to that elusive forever. And then you hear about being getting divorced after being married for 25+ years. Though who knows how those relationships have been.

I guess it’s just hitting home how uncertain it all really is, and I guess that’s life. It just doesn’t seem fair that someone who had to go through all that and finally made it to that “your chances are greatly reduced!” time and then loses it after all. And yet some alcoholic or drug addict can get pregnant and carry to term no problem.

And I’ve been so lucky in this whole thing. Trying for “only” four years, getting it naturally on our own before having spent an arm and a leg, having no complications so far (knock on wood!), I’ve had a relatively comfortable and decent time of it (yes, I had morning sickness, but it wasn’t that bad!), etc. I even get to feel him so much earlier than other people, despite an anterior placenta. (which really makes me wonder what other people are feeling if I’m feeling him so strongly, yikes!).

I haven’t ever stopped realizing how lucky I am, and how grateful I am for this whole experience, but it sometimes does hit home.


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