I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

21w0d

Last post I was talking about a pulled groin feeling that turned out to be round ligament pain. I slept with Snoogle that night and felt a lot better in the morning and haven’t had any issues since. Had a few twinges on the Monday morning after, but nothing much. Snoogle is a miracle. I could feel that when I was using it properly, all the pain went away. When I woke up and had moved off it in my sleep, I would feel it again until I got situated again.

I’ve been sick this past week, starting Tuesday night into Wednesday I got a funny feeling in my throat and that graduated into a sore throat. Felt okay when I went to bed on Wednesday night and was hoping I’d be able to make it through Thursday and not have to call in sick, but by the morning I was feeling really rotten, like I’d swallowed razor blades and been run over by a truck. And then by Thursday night it settled into my head, so I phoned in Friday as well. I’ve been mostly laying around for the better part of three days, sleeping on and off but now that I’m on the mend I’m really tired but can’t sleep, which is frustrating. I know when I start feeling like this that I’m really on the mend, so that’s good, but I’m still annoyed.

One of my tickers tells me how many days/weeks I’ve done and how many are left and now there is less ahead of me than behind, by about two weeks I think it is. 21 weeks done, 19 weeks to go. Starting to get really antsy about getting stuff done. Maybe it’s the being sick and not being able to do much this weekend (husband picked up what I had, just a day or so behind, and now he’s off on a business trip all week) so I’m reacting more to that than anything. Or maybe it’s that we have the next two weekends booked up and won’t be able to do much. In any case, I want to get down to the cloth diaper store to discuss what we still need and to make sure we have enough complete stuff to get started. I think we need a few covers and definitely some more inserts and that type of thing, but I want to ask questions about washing them and some other things about logistics, etc. There’s so much information, but it’s hard to narrow it down and condense it and figure out what’s going to work for you. I want to get paint for the room and to arrange with my dad, who said he’d help paint, when he wants to come do it. I want to get the room fully emptied and painted and set up so we can start actually putting stuff in there rather than having it all over the house.

I went through a big box of stuff we got from friends a few years ago when they were getting rid of their stuff and we had just started trying and we thought it wasn’t going to be that long before we needed it. Most of the stuff is (naturally) for girls, but there’s a lot of burp cloths, blankets, crib sheets, and a few clothes (including some preemie onsies, if he ends up being really small like their daughter was) that are usable. Figure we’ll hang on to the other stuff in case we have a #2 and it turns out to be a girl, but otherwise I’m happy with what we managed to use from there. Can’t have too many cloths and things like that, right?

I have an appointment with my midwife this week on Tuesday afternoon so think I’m going to actually remember to sign up for prenatal classes this time. I asked about them and meant to do it then but then forgot and then never phoned them. Hopefully they’re not all booked up yet. If so, there are some other places I could go, but I’d prefer to do it through there since they’re the ones who are doing my care and so the information should be the most relevant, I would hope. I really need to make a list of the things to mention to her so that I don’t go in there and go, “yeah, I had some stuff to ask you about, but I can’t remember what they are anymore” like I always do. You’d think I’d learn.

I also have an appointment for preregistration at the hospital this week, signing the papers and stuff so that husband doesn’t have to do them when I’m actually in labour or something. That’s a bit scary. I know I’ll have to give birth, but actually doing anything towards that goal still makes me a bit scared. In some ways I’m excited for it, since I do after all want to know what everything’s like, but on the other hand it sound scary and painful and not a whole lot of fun. And then we have to take care of a baby! A real baby! Our baby! Yikes. I tell myself everything we’re feeling is normal and so I’ve managed not to totally freak out or change my mind (that might be when the first contractions hit… :P) but it’s still a bit of a daunting prospect. And not something you can totally prepare for, even if you’ve taken care of a billion babies, who knows what yours will be like and unless it’s yours, you don’t really know what it’s like to be The person responsible for it. No passing it off to other people! Well, I guess that’s what husbands are for, but really I think he’s more clueless than I am in many ways. On the other hand, he’s also a lot more calm and levelheaded than I am, so hopefully it’ll all work out. It’ll be an experience, right?

Names continue to be a difficulty. We actually have one that we both like, one that I like and he’s okay on, a few that we like but aren’t sure about, and a whole bunch that we hate. I’m not sure whether names is one of those things that you Know is right when you find it, or if it might be one that you’re not sure about initially and then grows on you, or what. I just pray he isn’t born and we decide he doesn’t look like what we chose, but have no idea what to choose instead. Maybe kid should just name himself.

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