I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels


Welcome to the second trimester! Assuming you believe it starts on the first day of week 12 and not the end. Or something.

I got over my cold and have been feeling better since Thursday afternoon of last week, and I went back to work on Friday. I felt awesome on the weekend, hardly any nausea and no gagging at all, so I was starting to hope maybe the whole “you’ll magically feel so much better!” stuff would be true, but I was back to gagging and feeling nauseated a lot of the time on Monday. I wonder if it’s getting up early that does it. I don’t feel all that great early in the morning at the best of times, so maybe that’s more it than anything. Either that, or work makes me want to puke. I hardly think I’m unusual in that respect though 😉

Overall I have been feeling quite good though, even counting the nausea. I don’t feel quite as dead tired. I was even awake until like 10pm last night, like a big girl! I still feel tired, but not in quite the same way. It’s almost 6 right now and I’m not fighting sleep yet.

I am craving burritos. But I could also eat fajitas from Lone Star (steak or veggie, no chicken) or nachos. I’m trying to decide if it’s the spice, if it’s the salsa, the guacamole, or the sour cream. Or maybe it’s all of them combined. In any case, it’s very frustrating because there are no good burrito places near us. A friend of mine has like two right close by and others not too far away, but there’s nothing out this way. What’s up with that? Why does the world hate me? There’s not even any places near work, although I think there might be a place in the food court at the mall near there that I’m going to have to check out. When most food really turns me off, it’s really nice to have something that I want to eat, and I can’t even eat it. I may have to investigate making them at home, which would be cheaper and easier, especially if I could make a bunch and freeze them. If they would make it to be frozen, that is. 😉

I don’t know if this is a pregnancy thing or just a weird me thing (either is equally possible) but I feel like I suddenly want/need to wear larger clothes. I’m not even sure how to describe it. At work I tend to wear a fleece jacket, both because I’m cold but also because I’m more comfortable wearing it. And I tend to hold it closed, particularly over my stomach, when I’m walking around. On the weekend I couldn’t stand the idea of putting my own shirt on so I was wearing one of my husband’s, who is a lot larger than me. It’s not a feeling fat and wanting to hide thing, because I haven’t gained a pound and I haven’t started showing in any way that I can tell (though I haven’t been taking my measurements, so it’s possible that there might be some growth, I just don’t know about it or feel it yet). I’m not sure if it’s a protective thing, like how I’m sensitive about my stomach being touched or the cat walking on me or anything… it doesn’t hurt, it’s more a psychological thing that I flinch away from anything that could touch it by accident. It could also be a fabric thing, just want less fabric touching me, but then I shouldn’t want to wear a heavier shirt of my husband’s, and I probably wouldn’t want the weight of the fleece jacket on. I am more sensitive overall (I have a sweater that’s usually fine that I find too itchy right now) so maybe it’s that, but it’s strange. Not that I’m exactly one for skimpy clothes and showing things off. Maybe it’s just that my boobs feel big and very round and in the way (they so do not look that way — they just look a little bit fuller to the eye), so I need to cover them.

It’s hit me a couple of times that this might actually happen and we might actually get a real live baby out of this at the end. That thought is both very exciting and very scary. I don’t know anything about babies! I know it’s the kind of thing you muddle through as you go and figure it out along the way, but there just seems to be so much to know and they’re so little and helpless and it just seems so overwhelming to thing of having to be responsible for that. I actually do know a bit about babies and I’ve been around them, just not in a 24/7 parent kind of capacity where I’m the one in charge and responsible and no one else.


Comments on: "12w2d" (1)

  1. […] I just went back and read my post from exactly a year ago today. I can remember writing and feeling most of that like it was yesterday. And now the way I felt […]

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