I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

11w4d

I haven’t been updating here as much for some reason. In my other blog for my friends I’ve been documenting stuff there as well, so a lot seems to be redundant when I come here, even though the audience (such as it is) is different. This blog turned out to be much different than I’d expected and I’m not sure if I have the same reasons for keeping it up as did in starting it. Obviously I’m not documenting my misery and needing a place to vent where people don’t know who I am, nor am I documenting adopting and anything else. Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but still.

We had our 12 week scan this week on Tuesday. It was so amazing, so much more than I would have imagined. I didn’t look up videos or anything of what it would look like, and while I knew you could see the baby moving, I had no idea it would look like that! I could have watched that thing wave its arms and legs around and jump! up in the air all day! So cute! I know it looks like everybody else’s at this point, but it’s so different when it’s yours and it’s in your belly and it was just the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. And a relief to see everything is going well. We had to keep poking the baby and jiggling around and rolling over and stuff because it kept going to sleep and wasn’t moving when she needed it to. I’m happy to report that it appears to sleep like my husband, and not like me. Next time I plan on eating something sugary before the scan to improve the chances it won’t be asleep. I hadn’t realized that would make a difference, and I didn’t have a lot to eat that morning because I was busy retching and carrying on before we left.

I think I talked about us not doing the IPS testing before (if I didn’t – we had decided not to do it because we weren’t going to pursue further testing, nor is termination an option) but my doctor suggested we do it anyway because it tells them other information about the pregnancy that lets them know if they should be monitoring me more closely. I forget what those things were, but we went with it. She just made a note that we don’t want to know the results of the disease testing part, and I’m okay with that. They did that skin fold testing at the u/s and I think it looked fine.

I’ve been sick this week. I started feeling like I was getting sick on Monday and if I hadn’t already had Tuesday off for the appointment I probably would have gone home early on Monday and been off on Tuesday. I’m hoping to return tomorrow since I’m feeling not too bad today, barring the snot and sneezing I woke up with, and the general fatigue I feel, which feels more typically preg tired than anything at this point rather than dead tired like preg tired plus sick tired.

I must say that I hope this really strong gag reflex of mine relaxes when the rest of the stuff goes away (soon, I hope — 12 weeks on Sunday) because it is getting really old. Combined with coughing and sneezing and being snotty and stuff, it’s just delightful. I gag after I sneeze most times right now. I kept getting that lovely prickly snot at the back of the throat feeling that I despise anyway and was gagging all over that too. I don’t mind retching if it makes me feel better, like the morning sickness kind does, but this random gagging has to go.

And on that note, I’m going to go pee and then try to take a nap.

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