I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

6w6d

Things my stomach doesn’t like: 1) being empty,  2) being full

And there isn’t a whole lot of difference between the two. I eat two bites and suddenly I’m full and feeling yucky again.

Things I could eat yesterday, I can’t eat today because they taste funny. Unfortunately, so far it seems that it only goes one way, and once I don’t like something it so far hasn’t changed and become something I can eat.

Sometimes I’ll think I want to eat something, but as soon as I smell it, I know I won’t be able to. And it’s not like I’m puking things back up, but it’s a real struggle to swallow it. At the best of times, if I’m not interested in something I can’t eat it easily, and pregnancy has only made that worse.

I have times when I feel perfectly fine still, and I’m glad for them, but I also worry a bit if I don’t start to feel weird after a while. I usually wake up feeling pretty good and it’s only after a while that I start to feel gross, which I guess is a bit of a blessing since I can at least get out of bed and going before I want to die, but I always wake up wondering if it’s going to come at all, if it’s all over.

I’ve said it before, but I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. I’ll probably be saying that on the delivery table too 😉

Tomorrow’s back to work, which I’m both looking forward to and dreading. I’m hoping being in a routine might help things out a bit, but not looking forward to the early mornings or the trying to pretend I feel okay if I really don’t. I’m a bit worried about being around clients’ food and not having any control over that. Though at least I’m not puking yet (KNOCK ON WOOD). That’s a bit harder to hide than just feeling gross around it.

The food stuff is definitely the most annoying since it’s something I can do to control how I’m feeling — being able to eat something to keep me from feeling gross because of an empty stomach, but since half the time the thought of any kind of food makes me feel ill it doesn’t make it easy. I think I said it before, but I feel like all I do all day is force myself to eat stuff to keep from feeling gross, except half the time I feel gross anyway. Cheese strings continues to be a constant okay and can even change me from feeling at death’s door to feeling not too bad, so I hope that at least continues. I dread the time I find out I can’t eat them anymore.

It’s also not that strange, as opposed to the vinegar that also seems to be a big help 😉

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