I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels

1st hurdle crossed

I went for my bloodwork this morning and just got the call from the clinic. My first beta came back at either 94 or 97, I forget which one she said. I looked it up and that looks like a decent number, especially for 11dpo.

I go back on Monday for a second one to make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing.

I was happy to hear the results and to know that at least right now things are looking okay. I was sort of afraid they’d phone back and say the numbers were low and then I’d be worried all weekend and thinking about it, but I think I can let it go for now and just hope, but not actively worry. Not that actively worrying does anything, but have you met me before? I worry a lot.

Right now I’m feeling more excited and happy about it than anything else. Still cautiously so, but it’s better than the doom and gloom from the beginning for a change.

I don’t know why but I have this sort of calm feeling underneath the brain part of me that’s talking really loudly about the what ifs and the worries and stuff. The calm part has a feeling that everything will be okay. Maybe it’s wrong and it won’t be… but it sure feels nice to feel something other than anger and disappointment and bitterness.

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